Uncommonly effective online therapy for perfectionists in the state of Georgia.
Imagine feeling relaxed, motivated, and confident when you picture the day ahead.
Hi, I'm Cheryl Delaney.
I’m a therapist working online with perfectionists in Atlanta, GA, and throughout the state of Georgia. I can help you learn to feel confident, calm, and joyful. Engage with life on your terms.
If you are here outside of business hours and you’re experiencing suicidal crisis or emotional distress, call or text 988. By pressing 1, you can be connected to the Veterans Crisis line, the Spanish language line can be reached by pressing 2, and if you press 3, you’ll reach a crisis counselor specifically trained to support LGBTQI+ callers.
Depression and Anxiety Counseling for Perfectionists
Aren't all perfectionists high achievers?
Perfectionists come in an array of different flavors. A high percentage of my clients see me for help with their anxiety. They have high expectations for themselves and meet them. They find that fear of failure pushes them to succeed and find it scary to imagine living without anxiety. These people usually struggle to relax and enjoy the rewards of their hard work.
Perfectionism can stall achievement though!
The other half is primarily depressed. For depressed folks, the prospect of failure is so daunting that they have a hard time even getting started. Procrastination and lack of motivation are so overpowering that these clients conclude that they're lazy and terrible.
Some of these words sound so harsh! My clients don't even realize that they're speaking to themselves this way most of the time. Our culture of forced positivity usually has them convinced that they're almost too soft on themselves.
None of them feel great.
Even the anxious folks who have achieved a lot feel inadequate. Perfectionism robs all my clients of a sense of accomplishment and pride in their hard work.
One Perfectionist’s Story
I worked recently with a young woman I'll call Audrey. She had gotten past obstacles and achieved a lot despite them all by being extremely hard on herself. For years, Audrey worked long hours, studied late into the night, and stood up to the pressures of her workplace. One of the ways she managed this was by telling herself she was weak and lazy if she didn't meet everyone's expectations.
The High Costs of Success
Audrey constantly directed cruelty at herself to push past any hesitation she might have to work hard. She also denied herself opportunities for pleasure and joy. When she came to me, she had reached a point in her career where she was recognized for her skill and didn't have to work so hard to prove herself.
Just when she was expecting to reap the rewards of those years of hard work, she realized that she didn't know how to enjoy any of it. She didn't know what to do with downtime. She had a habit of excessive exercise and often got angry and snapped at her fiancé.
Mixed feelings
While anxiety was Audrey's primary concern, she was also feeling depressed. She had days when she didn't want to get up and go to work and days when she resented her profession and her loved ones for putting so much pressure on her. She found it hard to imagine a better life or relationship and was skeptical that such long-term habits could change.
Treatment success
Thankfully, Audrey was also willing to work hard to feel better, even though she doubted it would help her. She committed herself to the homework and was open and insightful in sessions. First, we spent some time connecting and hearing about how difficult this balance had been for her. Next, we looked at all the awesome things her perfectionism showed about her. Audrey was able to appreciate how far she had come in life thanks to striving to be her ideal self.
She also learned to notice the connections between her thoughts and feelings. Then, she learned to spot the distortions in her thoughts and see that her negative thoughts weren't true after all. Eventually, she could convincingly talk back to her negative thoughts and no longer believed that she was lazy, stupid, or weak. By the end of treatment, she found it hard to believe that she had ever bought into that!
More exciting for Audrey was that she found that treating her depression didn't only mean that negative feelings diminished but that she felt happier and more motivated. She also found that her improved mood and new way of thinking improved her relationships.
Recovering perfectionist
Hi there! I'm Cheryl. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know second-guessing and constantly scanning for potential setbacks are insidious and exhausting. I'm here to help you let go of perfectionism so that you can live the joyful, creative, rewarding life you've longed to build.
Why I Love My Job
I'm passionate about helping perfectionists. For years my perfectionism kept me small and fearful and distracted. At one point, I held myself to such a high standard that I wouldn't even have called myself a perfectionist because I didn't think I measured up to the name! I told myself that a "real" perfectionist would accomplish much more than I could.
I Know What It’s Like to Have a Harsh Voice in Your Mind
I've spent years being depressed and had about ten different kinds of anxiety. In fact, in my last year of grad school (which is to say: even after three years of school to prepare for this work), I was so anxious and insecure that I didn't apply for an internship. I thought no one would want to hire me and was terrified of that rejection. Now I get excited about public speaking and often step into leadership roles among colleagues and my community.
It’s Not Enough to Just Not Feel Bad
I want everyone to know that so much more is possible - that the fear, insecurity, maybe even anger that they feel all make so much sense. And that it's possible to dial those feelings down for confidence and motivation. Using powerful tools, you can feel calm and motivated by learning how to change your thoughts.
Life can be so much better than perfect!
Treatment Options
The type of therapy I offer is a bit like baking a cake. There's a process to go through from beginning to end and specific steps along the way. In other words, it's not a "how did that make you feel" kind of therapy.
When you bake a cake, the beginning of the process is a lot of preparation. You choose a recipe, read the whole thing, get out all the ingredients, measure them, mix, bake and decorate. Imagine reading a recipe, getting out all of the ingredients, measuring about half of them, and then going away for a week. And imagine that you'll continue to use the kitchen to make your meals throughout the week. When it's time to restart the cake, you'll need to work to get back to where you left off.
In therapy, at least for the first several sessions, we won't get through an entire recipe in 50 minutes. We'll be leaving some of our work undone from week to week. We'll need to redo some preparation when it's time to resume. It's typical for the first few weeks to feel a bit frustrating or not to see much progress right away. There are a few ways to deal with this: one is to stick with traditional 50-minute meetings with the addition of knowing what to expect. Another option is to consider meeting for longer sessions or more frequently. Some people choose to meet for Intensive Therapy to keep their momentum and make progress as quickly as possible.
Effective Counseling for Depression and Anxiety
When people contact me, their highest hopes are usually to learn some coping skills to live with their anxiety or depression. We learn that these diagnoses are immutable conditions - almost character flaws - and that the best we can hope for is to live a little better with them.
What can treatment accomplish?
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that everyone has some anxiety and some depression. Sadness and worry ebb and flow throughout a lifetime. The good news is multifaceted: first, you can drastically decrease the intensity of those emotions, and second, you can learn to value and sometimes even appreciate your negative feelings. Finally, the goal of treatment isn't simply to decrease stuff you don't want; it's to increase what you do want.
It's probably even better than you imagine
Saying that our goal is to decrease the intensity of your negative feelings undersells it a bit. It is entirely accurate and honest to say that you will still get sad and worried in your life. Those are part of the human condition. What's fantastic, though, is that you will understand those emotions differently and experience vastly more positive feelings. The transformation is complex, rich, and totally worthwhile.
I'm an experienced and highly trained counselor who loves to laugh and connect with my clients. I have even gotten excellent results working with a client who had decades-long chronic depression, for whom medication and electroconvulsive therapy were not effective. One of my favorite things to hear from clients is “I don’t consider myself depressed anymore!”
I look forward to meeting you and learning all the complex ways perfectionism affects you.
Let’s Talk!
Click below to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.